If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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