I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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