and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize