I'm going to jail i love you
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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