6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can't special order awesome
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
