Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
