Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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