what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
