Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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