in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
