Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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