you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
