Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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