Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
