so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm just crazy horny about you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
