"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
