come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
