I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You took a bar mat shot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
