actually, I'm a sock model
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
