Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize