I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
