It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
