apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
