So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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