Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
