I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize