We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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