Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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