Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
