Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
