That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
