Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
