OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
