If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize