everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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