you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
