I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
