Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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