with your own penis?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
