WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
