you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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