She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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