suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so let's talk penis.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
