I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
