I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
