he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
