He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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