it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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