2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Shame - the story of my life.
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