Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
