if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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