My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
