dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize