So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
