is your mom at the bar?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
