Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
PANTIES FOUND
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