that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
