I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
