I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are two peas in an std pod
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
