can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
