Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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