I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
