Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
