He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
