Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
