Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
