So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
