i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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