I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
