We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
