it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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