didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
