I want to have your abortion
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
