I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
